I was in Church and a disturbing and anxious thought shot up in my brain. I was taken aback because prior to that moment I wasn’t stressed about anything; I was deeply into the mass, and feeling at one in communion. I became uncomfortable and tried to push the thought away...of course my mind took that as a cue to play around and it began to fish for more anxious thoughts that it knew would bother me. The more frustrated I became, the more that anxiety rose, and the more anxious thoughts it created. Annoyed, I barely heard the homily as I tried to gather myself back to the moment.
Just then I heard the priest talk about God wanting us to be strong...’ Put on your armour of Christ, there is nothing He can’t conquer.’ I’m a big believer in signs so when I heard that, I felt that God was telling me not to be swept by the negativity, but to draw on His strength. I pulled out some old tools, reminded myself that the thoughts are like passing clouds, they’re created from fear, and the more attention I paid them, the worse they’d be. I said quietly to my brain ‘not today, thanks.’ I gave space for the feelings to subside and peace came over me.
Not everybody is vulnerable to this, and some of us may need to work a little harder at times. And that’s ok. We’re all broken in some way, struggling with pride, anger, impatience, jealousy to having addictions, anxiety or depression. Show me a perfect person, and I’ll show you Christ! So we don’t see our challenges or our humanity as flawed, rather when we can accept it all stems from our brokenness, the better we can handle them, and then we can be in a place of transformation.
Allowing ourselves to be vulnerable is so important. It allows God to work in us and it allows us to feel the need for His strength. There is no shame in this. It saddens me when people see the struggle with their mind as being weak or that they’re not normal. I can tell you that yes, I’ve had moments of difficulty and struggle over the years, but I can’t tell you how I’ve come to realise my own strength, and my faith in God. I believe that once we can see our vulnerability as a gift, then we can truly see ourselves as perfectly as God sees us 🌺